via reddit.com
have you already fixed your Dagger in the Body of a Consul today?
i’m working on fixing a Sword in the body of a Dictator actually
my 15 Rock-Hard Abs will impede your sword
Cato’s now working on fixing a sword in his stomach.
what are you going to do about it :)))
Cato: you cannot pardon me if I kill myself!
Me:
caesar: if i can pardon cato then it will make me look good
me:
It’s a win-win
have you already fixed your Dagger in the Body of a Consul today?
i’m working on fixing a Sword in the body of a Dictator actually
my 15 Rock-Hard Abs will impede your sword
Cato’s now working on fixing a sword in his stomach.
what are you going to do about it :)))
Cato: you cannot pardon me if I kill myself!
Me:
have you already fixed your Dagger in the Body of a Consul today?
i’m working on fixing a Sword in the body of a Dictator actually
my 15 Rock-Hard Abs will impede your sword
Cato’s now working on fixing a sword in his stomach.
Anonymous asked:
Daddy
If this isn’t Octavian, stop.
Oh sure, when Drusus founds colonies, distributes land to the poor, and advocates rights for Italians he’s “doing his civic duty” and “helping the common people,” but when I do it I’m “pandering to the mob” and “affronting the mos maiorum.” - Mod C.
You’re Only Valid If You Pretend To Do Populism To Delegitimise Someone You Don’t Like, Have Senatorial Backing, And Also Never Actually Enact Most Of Your Laws
drusus was doing his civic duty because he was doing it on behalf of the senate 😤😤 I should know we were allies before he went bonkers
The takeaway is that the senate is the problem and we need to get rid of it
late republican romans as internethippo tweets
caesar: Am I a good person? No. But do I try to be better every single day? Also no
mark antony: I think my friends keep me around for sheer awe, like “Wow can he really sustain that level of terrible?” And I always do
cato the younger: Refusing to feed my crying infant until he starts using logic instead of emotion
cicero: [during an argument] I totally understand your point of view, I just hate you for having it
clodius pulcher: Oh, so now I’m “bad” just because I’ve done bad things in the past, continue doing so in the present, and will likely do so in the future?
pompey: gotta say, i love living by the sword. i hope there are no consequences from this regarding how i ultimately die
catullus: ME: *falls in love only w/ people who are mean to me* Why does this keep happening
[flashback] GOD: *points to me* Make that one an idiot
clodia metelli: “With time, I think I may be able to tolerate you more frequently than once a week”- me being romantic
if you ever feel like going on a naval expedition, don’t.
IF you are put in charge of a naval fleet you WILL get captured by pirates
You don’t even need to be in charge of a fleet
Or you could try not being a wiener and instead try destroying or subjugating every pirate in the Mediterranean except you can’t because I already did that
Pompey, are you really bragging about beating disorderly, frequently unarmoured pirate mobs using the full might of the Roman Legions? The only pirates of merit were the Cretans for their tremendous skills with a bow, but you weren’t the one to subdue them were you?
if you ever feel like going on a naval expedition, don’t.
IF you are put in charge of a naval fleet you WILL get captured by pirates
You don’t even need to be in charge of a fleet
eat naught but tack for days on end
Run out of food during a siege. Still better than eating tack